That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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