1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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