Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
