Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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