Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
