If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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