its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
