I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
