please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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