Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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