Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
