So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
