guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
