I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
