Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
