Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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