you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
