We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
there is glitter all over my balls
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
