I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
