So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
