I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
