I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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