I think I won the penis lottery.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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