Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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