if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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