So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
