Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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