Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
