just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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