she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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