It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
