I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
