don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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