I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
