My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He felt like a one man threesome
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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