Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this will be a night to untag.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
