Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
