I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
