Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
