nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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