Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
