he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
