Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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