well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
