I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
