I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
