So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
