Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
