i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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