i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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